Guestlist

Issue 36 - Feb 2012

Monthly newspaper and online publication targeting 18 to 35 year olds. The ultimate guide to the hottest parties, going out and having fun. Music, fashion, film, travel, festivals, technology, comedy, and parties! London, Barcelona, Miami and Ibiza.

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6 Issue 36 / FEBRUARY 2012 Win £100 for the funniest joke or picture! We want to hear your jokes This month The Guestlist Network and Cash Genie are giving away 2x £100 to the 2 people that send us the funniest joke or funniest picture. Here is the winner of last month- Wittiest rhyme Squeezing then dragging a loved one/person you fancy under the mistletoe, Drunken excuse to grab someone's bum at the Xmas party But wanna get your brain into gear, steer clear from pervy workmates When you get home, slapping your sister's tummy when she's shovelling food In the mood to overindulge in mulled wine, divine! Read the rest at www.guestlist.net Email your funnies to cash@guestlist.net WHAT'S WHAT... Who's been saying what online this month? We name, fame and shame celebs mouthing off in cyberspace. You are what you tweet. @iamdiddy Diddy "If anyone sees or speaks to GOD Today Please tell him I'm Lookin for HIM :) thank you guys. I really need to find HIM." Oh no, Diddy. What did you do now.... @jamaledwards Jamal Edwards "A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed." Founder of SBTV showing off some sly chauvinism. @justinbieber Justin Bieber "sorry i was away from twitter. took the last 2 night to really focus on this album. thank you to all the fans who showed support. I LOVE U" Bieber taking two whole days off Twitter and seemingly needing support for the withdrawal. What a world we live in. @snoopdogg Snoop Dogg "Only white people eat Arby's" We don't have it over here, but should it ever skip the pond, Snoop teaches us how to act responsibly in an equality- seeking society. @kanyewest Kanye West "I just wanted to share what's been on my mind..." …and obviously there's nothing much to share, Kanye. @wretch32 Wretch 32 "I wake up before my alarm almost ev- ery morning. Does this mean I am now the alarm for my alarm?" Wretch bringing some profound existen- tialist thinking to the Twitter-verse. And the answer's no. @mileycyrus - Miley Ray Cyrus "I spend more time/$$$ shopping for my dogs than myself." #firstworldproblems @ParisHilton - Paris Hilton "Love the late night studio sessions. So excited for all my new songs! Such sick tracks, lyrics & collaborations. #YES! :D" Paris is currently releasing her second album, Stars Are Blind… and deaf, ap- parently. COMPETITION RULES 1. By entering a Competition, entrants agree to be bound by these Rules. 2. The Competition is organised by Cash Genie UK Ltd. 3. The Competition is only open to persons over the age of 18 and proof of date of birth may be required before any prize is awarded. 4. The entrant authorises Cash Genie UK Ltd to use any information/comment provided to be used in promotional material whether online, TV, Radio or future publications. 5. By entering the Competition, you hereby warrant that all information submitted by you is true, current and complete. Cash Genie UK Ltd reserves the right to verify the eligibility of all entrants. 6. Unless stated otherwise in the Competition Notice, prize winners will be chosen at random from all correct Entries (for competitions involving answering questions or where entry is by emailing or otherwise providing a name and/or contact details to Cash Genie UK Ltd) or from all submitted entries (where creative or artistic merit or other subjective criteria apply to entries (unless these are being judged as set out in the Competition Notice)), within 28 days of the closing date specified in the Competition Notice. Tie-breakers will be judged by Cash Genie UK Ltd and, if required by law, by an independent adjudicator. In all matters, the decision of the judge(s) and Cash Genie UK Ltd shall be final and no correspondence or discussion shall be entered into. 7. Prize winners will be notified in writing to either their home address or email address. 8. The closing date for this competition is 7th November 2011. Entries received after this date will not be eligible for entry in to the competition. 9. The full Terms and Conditions for this competition can be found on the Cash Genie UK Ltd website at www.cashgenieloans.co.uk. 10. Should you require any further information in relation to this competition please contact us at Cash Genie UK Ltd, Dalton House, 60 Windsor Avenue, LONDON SW19 2RR. TEACHER BEATS STUDENT IN RAP BATTLE Mark Grist, a 30-year-old poet and supply teacher, showed 17-year-old MC Blizzard how it's really done, vowing never to use sexist, racist or homophobic language. You really need to check out this battle. More than a million viewers have already watched the online battle video at Dontflop.com. It's hilarious. Complete with lyrics from MC Blizzard like 'I get to battle that nerdy bastard who failed at controlling a class... You knobhead, I hope you drop dead?' Grist'd genius retaliation: "This rapper's pint sized, he's cock- eyed. When he raps, his mouth only moves on one side. A prepubescent Popeye complete with a physique that implies that all the spinach TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO! A 74-year-old woman in Sydney, Australia has been found guilty of dealing cannabis. During a drug dog operation in Sydney last June, Noelene Ed- wards, a great-grandmother, was found to have 42 small bags of the illegal drug in her handbag. Upon further investigation, a bong was found under a sink in her home. During the trial, Edwards claimed she had no idea how the bags made their way into her handbag and had never used or sold the drug. She later told the court that the drug belonged to her former partner, a cancer sufferer, who had smoked marijuana for medicinal purposes during the last few months of his life. in the world has died.' Grist said 'I wonder how necessary homophobia, misogyny and racism are if you want to win a battle. If you can do it without using them, why do you choose to do so?' He proves his point in defeating Blizzard. SWEET JUSTICE A naked burglar was found on the floor of a Kentucky grocery store, covered entirely in chocolate and peanut butter. Police troopers responded to an emergency call at the Food World IGA market in Neon, Ken- tucky and promptly arrested An- drew Toothman, 22, on charges of burglary, criminal mischief and indecent exposure. At the time of his arrest, Toothman was wearing only combat boots. Upon the troopers' entrance into the store, they found that in addition to Toothman's body, peanut butter had been spread all over the market's floor and counter. But the oddest act of vandalism included cough syrup, which Toothman had used to spell out the word "Sorry" on the market floor. If you don't win you could always get a helping hand from the Genie at www.cashgenieloans.co.uk for that little extra bit of cash until you get paid. BIZARRE NEWS TWITTERTWATTER

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