Peer to Peer Magazine

June 2010

The quarterly publication of the International Legal Technology Association

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Page 25 of 111

8:02-8:37 A.M. While driving, discussed Twiki-Theopolis mediation with Dr. Theopolis. Scheduled a meeting with both parties at 2:35 p.m. Warning: 10 minutes of this conversation took place on non- automated roadway, a two-point moving violation. 9:00-9:14:30 A.M. While at desk, reviewed memo on proposal to use surrogates in remote locations to reduce business travel expenses. Warning: This memo was rated at 12 minutes with a standard deviation of one minute. At 2.5 minutes over the rating of 12 minutes, you have been flagged as having wasted time assimilating this memo. 9:20-9:33 A.M. While at desk, discussed via telephone potential new business with McCormick family in Colorado. Family alleges their son’s wrongful death. Mental note: Frustrated; it was 10 minutes before family members mentioned that they are cartoons, not robots. What a waste of time. Referred the McCormicks to Harvey Birdman. 9:45-10:00 A.M. Reviewed censorship issues regarding federal government’s banning IBM’s Big Blue from watching movies featuring themes of AI/computer domination. Government lawyers’ argument, “We don’t want Big Blue to get any ideas!” does’t hold water. BB should be allowed to watch War Games, Terminator, The Matrix, etc. They’re just movies. 10:00-11:00 A.M. Attended competency evaluation of HAL 9000 via Hologram over IP. Mental note: HAL has no body, not even a face. What the heck did the AI psychiatrist expect to see? 11:00-11:30 A.M. 30 minutes approved travel time to zoning commission. 11:30 A.M.-2:00 P.M. Meeting at zoning commission, with commissioners and representatives of Church of Robotology regarding plans for a new church at the corner of Google Avenue and 3rd. Meeting was scheduled for only one hour, but ran over due to robots frequently lapsing from English into binary. The robots and I agree — 10010100 1001000111001010101010010111101010 — but there is still a bit of work left to do. Warning: This is not a fixed fee case and unscheduled resolution appears to be imminent, three months ahead of schedule. Peer to Peer the quarterly magazine of ILTA 27 4:00-5:00 P.M. Meeting with Rick Deckard over mandatory retirement proceedings for replicants. Communicated to Mr. Deckard that he is not obligated to submit to a Voight-Kampff test with which opposing counsel seeks to prove that he is a non-human replicant produced by the Tyrell Corp. ILTA 2:00-2:35 P.M. 30 minutes approved travel time back to office; five minutes unscheduled travel time but approved given unforeseen traffic conditions on recommended route. 2:35-3:45 P.M. Meeting at office with Dr. Theopolis and Twiki. Meeting was counterproductive. Twiki’s response to all questions was “biddi- biddi-biddi”. Twiki submits his inability to articulate more clearly as a “Twiki” defense. Dr. Theopolis submits that since he is basically a Frisbee with a face, and not capable of locomotion, he is at least entitled to demand that Twiki change his batteries when necessary, stop leaving Dr. T face down on the sofa and turn him toward the holovision. Warning: Thirty-three minutes spent in the App Store exceeds acceptable allowance. Recognized: Zero minutes consumed for meals.

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